Sometimes, when I describe the idea that we are made up of a number of different psychological elements, many of my clients believe I’m accusing them of having multiple personalities. Although there is truth to what they are saying, I don’t really mean they are the next Sybil.

Parts In History

The division of the mind into separate functional parts was the foundational idea of the father of modern psychology, Sigmund Freud. Freud believed our psychology is made up of three parts: the id, ego and superego. Freud’s student, Carl Jung, expanded on this concept and decided the mind contains seven main parts (depending on how you interpret Jung’s concepts).

Jung developed that idea of the “collective unconscious”.  In his travels around the world, Jung noticed that all people - no matter if separated by language, geography or anything else - share concepts such as “mother”, “home”, and “the shadow side of self”.  All humans share these concepts even if they have different names for them.

Family therapist Virginia Satir brought the idea of different psychological parts into her clinical work. Satir used the idea of a “Parts Party” in her work in which she would invite a client to talk as certain parts of their psyche. Inviting different parts to this party, Satir would use this information and the abilities of these parts for healing.

A Definition

But what IS a “part”? A “part” is any conceptual piece of our psyche. For example, there is a part of you that is conscious.  There is a part of you that is unconscious. The psychological parts of you might include the logical part or the playful part.  I’ve heard some people say “You sound just like your mother.” Well, I’m sure there’s a part of me that is “my mother”.  Just like the cartoons with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, there are many parts influencing us.

You might even consider there are parts of you to tell you how often to blink, when to breathe, or when to release adrenaline.  Some of these parts might be under your conscious control, automatic or both.

There might be more complex parts like “my friend Roger”, “mischievous me”, “Napoleon” or “doesn’t want me to eat appropriately”. The part of me that is “my friend Roger” has aspects of my friend Roger and, of course, the “mischievous” part of me is viewed like the little devil sitting on my shoulder and gleefully encouraging me to do things I know aren’t in my best interest (but are so much fun!).

Like multiple personalities, we have an infinite number of parts that influence and direct us.

Now you can start to use the concept of parts for your own health.

Holding Your Own Parts Party

With my hypnosis clients, we invite a number of parts together to help solve a problem. Of course, we would invite the part that needs healing or is behaving badly - the focus of our work. We would then invite other parts that influence the part that we are working to help. I always make sure to invite the “higher self” part and give it the responsibility to get agreement from all the parts in this parts party to do something more healthy for the client. It’s always interesting to me when this collection of parts decides they need to call in yet another part to resolve the problem. I’ve even had parts stop in just to see what is going on (at which time, I politely ask that part to move along unless it has something productive to contribute).

You can use the metaphor of parts on your own as well.

If there is a part of you that you’d like to get some understanding, or some direct answers, you can either interview that part on your own or have someone else interview them (that is where a professional might come in handy)

If you are doing this on your own, put a chair in front of you and imagine what this part might look like sitting in the empty chair. Really imagine that part there. Perhaps give it a name or give it form and color. Then get up and sit in the empty chair and become that part. Like a professional actor, take on the characteristics of the part. Imagine feeling like this part and taking on its’ persona. Maybe you can say a few words as the part about how you are feeling or thinking (especially about the problem at hand).

Interview Questions for the Part

At some point, switch roles by moving back to your interviewing spot and ask the part some questions. Once you ask the question, move back to the part’s place and, as the part, answer the question. You might have to move back and forth a couple times, and be sure to play the correct role.

Here are some questions you might want to ask a part:

• Why are you with me?
• What purpose do you serve?
• How do you benefit from the (bad) behavior?
• What message do you have for me?
• What other parts do you work with?

From these questions, you may come up with more questions.

If the part that you are interviewing is causing you problems, there is a great follow-up question. After you understand the benfit the part gets from the problematic behavior, you might want to ask: How can you get the same benefit through a different behavior (different from the problematic behavior)? Then let the negotiations begin!  This assumes, of course, that the new behavior is more healthy than the old behavior.

Once you are done talking with/as the part, move from the chair into the interviewer’s seat and, most importantly, thank that part for participating.  Let that part know - no matter how negative or intrusive it is - that it is a beloved part of you.  Acknowledge that this part is only trying to protect you the best way it knows how, and now it might be time to figure out how to proctect you in a different, more useful way.

Working with parts is fascinating. You might feel a little self-conscious or silly at first, but, once you get into character, the results can be amazing!

When our thoughts start spinning in our minds, stress can build and build upon itself. To reduce our own stress-creating thoughts, it is important to eliminate our irrational thoughts. David Goodman, in his book Emotional Well Being Through Rational Behavior Training, presents the following six rules for rational thinking:

1. It doesn’t do anything to me.

There are some people who see the glass as half full. These kind of people know that we can chose how to feel or respond to any given experience. We also have power to choose how to react to any feeling or situation. Using “healthy denial”, you can choose to be unaffected by any stressful situation.

2. Everything is exactly the way it should be.

The current, stressful situation is just a point on a line of a long series of causal events. Believing that things should be a certain way is to believe in magic. Instead of seeing the stressful situation as happening to you, perhaps you can hold on to the idea that this is a learning opportunity presented to you. Try to dig a bit deeper than the surface level and understand the teachings of the stressful situation. Are you being taught how to be more patient? More flexible? Less reactive? It is the way it should be. Learn from it and move on.

3. All humans are fallible creatures.

It is undeniable. Noone is perfect and we all make mistakes. Recognize that we are fallible, imperfect beings. It is easy to judge yourself or others as bad, ignorant or useless. Perhaps with the understanding that some of the best education comes from failure will help allow the stress melt away.

4. It takes two to have a conflict.

Power and conflicts require agreements. The agreement to engage in or perpetuate the conflict might be conscious or unconscious, but the 30 percent rule applies. This rule states that anyone engaged in a conflict contributes to at least 30 percent of the fuel to keep it going. Remember, the only way to win the game is not to play it.

5. The original cause is lost in antiquity.

Have you ever found yourself arguing and then realize that you can’t remember why you were arguing in the first place? Sometimes we react to a situation and that reaction becomes the catalyst that continues the bad behaviors. Trying to figure out who started the problem is a waste of time. The best strategy is to live in the moment and change your thinking and behaviors now.

6. We feel the way we think.

Our bodies are robots controlled by the mind. This can be demonstrated by closing your eyes and taking a few minutes to vividly imagine holding and then biting into half of a lemon. Even reading about the lemon, you might notice extra saliva building up in your mouth. What we think directly effects our body. Simply pretending or imagining that we are relaxed and stress free will work.

Keep these six rules of rational thinking in mind to reduce stress and live a more joyful, healthier life.

I often tell clients: The body is a robot controlled by the mind.  The mind and body are linked together, so, if we change our minds, our bodies will follow.

Do this exercise now: Close your eyes (after reading about this exercise), then imagine holding a lemon.  Really get into the experience: smell the lemon, and then bite into the lemon.  When you do this imagining, you might actually smell the scent of lemon or have an actual physical reaction (lips puckering, extra saliva generation). Since there is no actual lemon there, you’ve just demonstrated how body is controlled by your mind.

The mind-body connection also works in the opposite direction. If we incorporate a change in our body, our mind naturally follows. For instance, many people have heard (and experienced) how exercise helps reduce depressive symptoms.

Here are several, practical body-focused exercises you can do right now to relax and let go of stress:

Belly Breathing and Piko-Piko Breathing

Sometime when we are very young, a major shift occurs. Watch babies and you will see them breathing with their bellies. For some reason, as we age, we shift our breathing to our chests, and this change is critical to our health. Due to the triangular shape of our lungs, when we breathe from our chests, only the top third of our lungs fill with oxygen – only the tip of the triangle. Relearning how to breathe with our stomach will fill the larger, bottom parts of our lungs.

To relearn how to belly breath, put one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest. When you breath in, fill your belly with air to move your stomach hand, but try not to move your chest hand. Continue to focus on moving your belly hand as you inhale while counting to three, pause, then exhale while counting to three. This kind of breathing, also called “diaphragmic breathing”, uses your diaphragm and not your chest muscles to breath.

Once you have practiced belly breathing, add a Hawaiian focusing component as an extra bonus.

The word “piko” in Hawaiian means “point”, thus piko-piko breathing is a method of focusing from point to point. When you breath in, turn your focus to the crown of your head. When you breathe out, shift your focus to your navel. Repeat this three times and you will feel more relaxed.

Progressive Relaxation

As you focus on your belly breathing, you can move into progressive relaxation. This process methodically relaxes your muscles starting at the top of your head and ending at your feet. Muscle tension is one of the worst culprits in maintaining stress.  Here is a short imagining for your own progressive relaxation:

Close your eyes and imagine a ball of relaxing white light just above your head. Imagine that relaxing light flowing through and relaxing all the muscles in your head, scalp and face. Move further down relaxing your neck, your chest and down into your stomach. Don’t forget to relax all the organs and muscles as well. Move the relaxing light down from your shoulders to the finger tips. Relax your thighs, then your knees, your calves and finally, completely relaxed, your feet and toes.

If you spend some quality time going through a progressive relaxation, you will notice feeling less stressed for the rest of the day.

Guided Imagery

If stress and anxiety are overwhelming you, perhaps you will consider seeking a professional to lead you in guided imagery - also known as hypnosis - who will continue to teach you progressive relaxation and also help you to use your creative mind to easily let go of your stress. As mentioned previously, the body is a robot controlled by the mind. If you can utilize guided imagery to bring into mind relaxing at a warm beach in Hawaii, or whatever location and action represents relaxation to you, your body will react as if you are actually there, resulting in complete relaxation.

Start practicing and using these ways of reducing stress - you will certainly feel calmer, more centered, and live a healthier, happier life.

According to the American Institute of Stress:

• 43% of all adults suffer adverse health effects due to stress
• 75-90% of all visits to primary care physicians are for stress-related complaints or disorders
• An estimated 1 million workers are absent on an average workday because of stress related complaints Stress is said to be responsible for more than half of the 550,000,000 workdays lost annually because of absenteeism

Let’s add to that information a three-year study conducted by a large corporation that showed 60% of employee absences were due to psychological problems such as stress.

It gets worse… Dr. Elissa Epel, a psychiatrist at the University of California at San Francisco, helped conduct the research and then co-wrote a report that identified a direct link between stress and aging. Dr. Epel says, “This is the first time that psychological stress has been linked to a cellular indicator of aging in healthy people.”

Although these might be alarming statistics, stress is actually an important part of survival. We can put some of the blame of our stress and anxiety on our distant ancestors.

In our effort to survive during the Cave Age, we developed the fight-or-flight response – eat or be eaten. When we were stalking the wooly mammoth to eat, or were being stalked by the saber-toothed tiger to be eaten, we developed the ability to manipulate our body chemistry. In these fight-or-flight situations, our mind utilizes adrenaline to direct blood to our larger muscles in our legs and arms, and our brains start firing faster in order to improve our reaction time. These abilities are critical to our survival and a fundamental element that still resides in our genetics.

What has changed over time is how often we use this ability. The fight-or-flight response was designed for short-term use only. Once the threat is overcome, the chemicals are reabsorbed into our system and we naturally calm down. Unfortunately, most of us have our switch stuck in a permanent “on” position and continually flood our body with stress chemicals.

The primary difference between useful stress and harmful stress is how often it occurs. Eustress, the useful form, occurs when stress leads to actions that are beneficial to the person. You might also hear the term “state anxiety” which is anxiety of either a temporary nature or is specific to a particular stimulus. Short term stress is vital to mobilize us into action. Distress, the harmful form of stress, is long-term and, in the case of what is called “trait anxiety”, is a general state of anxiety. Long term stress breaks down our bodies and forces our bodily defenses to focus on the stress chemicals and not defending against such diseases as colds, stroke, cancer, ulcers and coronary heart disease.

Long-term stress harms us mentally and physically. Yet, why do most people wait until they are sick to take action? We are well aware of the harmful effects, and yet we continue with the damaging behavior.

There are four main sources of distress: environment (such as weather, noise, traffic and pollution), social stressors (such as deadlines, financial problems, and disagreements), physiological (such as menopause, illness, accidents and poor nutrition), and, the most insidious, your own thoughts. Fortunately, you can take action, now, to reduce or eliminate your stress both mentally and physically.

Soon to follow: Practical solutions to reduce both mental and physical stress.